An article written by Heather Bradford, called Your Children are not a Possession had my wife and I in a long discussion on the merits of parenthood. How do you judge if you are raising them right? Is it their young performance, their educational level, or their daily demeanour?
Thinking back to when our children were young, we analysed how we raised them, did we do what we though right then and in hindsight, would we do anything differently. We thought back over our own up-bringing, did our parents always treat us as we thought was right? Neither of us felt so, well not all the time, yet we're better off for it today, and why, because although it's not considered by us now correct, we still learnt from it.
There is no rule on how to raise a child, many books written by experts explain their own interpretations, but no matter what you do, it is a lesson for the child.
We will all make mistakes, our own interpretations, protections, and lessons we impart, considered in the child?s later years, as being incorrect, will pass them on differently. Is it then that we have made an error in judgement, have we taught our own child erroneously? I don't think so, any lesson, good or bad, remains a lesson learnt. The child when grown will remember these and not make the same mistake with their issue.
The important factor we decided, was the child must feel loved, punished when wrong with an explanation, but encouraged in all their undertakings. This is the grounding of raising children, love, nothing more and nothing less. Love for a child is not always saying yes, or giving what they ask for, but if a child's loved, the parent will do everything possible correctly, or how they interpret it as correct. Whether the child thinks it right, is another matter, but no matter what one does, it is right.
What is it we remember from our childhood? The good times. Sure, we remember times when admonished by our parents, maybe even receiving a spanking, but was it required, did we deserve it? Older age tells us most times yes, and more than likely the discipline received, deserved. In fact we often reminisce of these times, as having been good times and even laugh about it now.
As Grand parents, one watches how your own children raise theirs, and you don't always agree with their methods. Don't interfere, it's their job now, and you are not responsible. But remember one thing, you can treat the child in your own way, obviously within limits and not going against your own child?s wishes. But a sneaked chocolate here and there, a treat or two, a toy and that special love of a Grand Parent, is something a child will remember differently, to how they remember their own parents.
One good thing of being a Grand Parent, when the baby cries or soils the nappy, you can give them back to the parent.
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