The issue in a nutshell is this- my wife of 20 years still gets angry about, and demands apologies for, events that are 20 years or more in our past.
The biggest issue? When we were dating, I made the stupid mistake of talking about my previous relationships, and my wife also found photos of past girlfriends in my apartment. Nothing even remotely R rated, just usual family style photos. At that time, we had a big fight about it, I apologized, and we got over it (I thought). But, it never really went away.
I understand it was a thoughtless and immature way to be on my part. I guess I wanted to look 'cool' or 'popular', and it backfired disastrously. Since then, I have never even had so much as an email from anyone in my past. Yet now, when we are watching TV for example, if one of the characters or newscasters has the same name as one of my past girlfriends, my wife gets upset and starts the fight again: "you were such a b&stard to me, why did you tell me all that stuff?!?" and so on.
Lately, she has started claiming she cheated on me (after we were married) as a way to get revenge for it. I'm not sure if I believe her, or if she is just trying to get attention, but in either case it's also more than 15 years ago. I just want to live our lives in the present.
The problem is that the more she brings it up, the more resentful I get. She demands that I apologize again and again, which I do. But she says that I don't really mean it, and that I secretly still want to be with them and not her. I'm getting to the end of my patience about this.
Help!!
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